Parents are the experts (or, in other words, we don't need lectures from deaf militants)
Feb 19, 2008 @ 01:14 PM
Parents are the
experts. Yes, they are!
For many years I served as an La Leche League Leader, and one of the most important things we stated at the beginning of breastfeeding support group meetings was that "moms know their babies best." I truly believe that. No one is as invested, no one loves their child more, and no one is more capable of seeing the big picture as well as the tiny hints which exists regarding what is going on... whether it is when their child is ill, or when it comes to their emotional state, etc.
This is absolutely the case with hearing parents of deaf children. For years, there were the stories of parents being told that their child was a boy (and therefore a bit slower to speak), or was a late bloomer, or was the baby of the family, or autistic, or other miscellaneous crap until finally, ta-da, low and behold, testing finally showed that mom or dad or grandma was right. Said child was deaf. Some were told to send their kids away. Some were informed that they should learn another language and use it. Some were told that they should assume the mantle of a parent of a disabled child and milk the system for every penny. Make your life revolve around this special child.
Now, with hearing parents who want their child to be able to be hearing, who is the expert about that? Yes, hearing parents. My kids are fortunate enough to take advantage of the advanced technology available today. They hear with their cochlear implants. And so, we parents continue to be the experts because we realized that the best chance we had of communicating with our child in a meaningful way would be to implant them and take FULL advantage of that rather than waste time on other issues.
*topic changes somewhat*
We had a bomb dropped on our family recently when a relative was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive cancer. Thank GOD we are not dealing with IEPs, TODs, FMs, sign language classes, interpreters, frequent therapy sessions, and so on. Granted, some implanted kids have those; mine do not. Oliver hasn't even had an AV session since this all came about 3 weeks ago... but I'm not worried. He is probably age appropriate in both expressive and receptive language currently. As a result, our family can put deafness on the backburner and deal with more important issues at hand. One of our kids was struggling in school (not one of the implanted kids) and we also needed to help him get up to speed. He is equally important to us, and we want him to be fully aware of that.
For a few months, I was reading the blogs on deafread.com. How annoying. It's a bitter pill to know that there are still deaf adults so opposed to what we are doing and so vehemently willing to say awful things about us or even worse. I've seen personal attacks, and even threats. I've seen people act like deafness is some incredible gift that we are snatching away from our kids by implanting them. I'm tired of the lecturing on various websites with titles such as "To the hearing parents of deaf babies." There are only a couple of sites even worth visiting as a parent; apparently most deaf people who are not angry at us about cochlear implants and speech are too busy with the rest of their life to get mired in that kind of blogging. There is no way to convince them that CIs work; their minds are made up. Don't confuse them with science or examples of hundreds of successful kids.
In our family, we don't think a barrier to communication with loved ones is a wonderful thing. Nor have we embraced cancer as a fabulous way to learn about life. Sure, our loved one will learn things as she travels this road. But embrace it? A parent of young children will never embrace something which could remove them from their small children, permanently; we will never embrace anything that separates us from our kids communication-wise. We spent money up front so that our kids don't have to spend society's dollar down the road. We teach a respect for others in our family; we try not to use more than we give back to people or the environment.
In the next few months, our lives will be profoundly changed by what happens to our loved one as she fights cancer. I may not have a chance to update the news as much... but know this-- our lives proceed very much like any other family, and deafness is no obstacle to communication in our household. And no, duh, I'm not equating cancer with deafness, just in case you are a blogger about to jump up on your high horse about that!
For many years I served as an La Leche League Leader, and one of the most important things we stated at the beginning of breastfeeding support group meetings was that "moms know their babies best." I truly believe that. No one is as invested, no one loves their child more, and no one is more capable of seeing the big picture as well as the tiny hints which exists regarding what is going on... whether it is when their child is ill, or when it comes to their emotional state, etc.
This is absolutely the case with hearing parents of deaf children. For years, there were the stories of parents being told that their child was a boy (and therefore a bit slower to speak), or was a late bloomer, or was the baby of the family, or autistic, or other miscellaneous crap until finally, ta-da, low and behold, testing finally showed that mom or dad or grandma was right. Said child was deaf. Some were told to send their kids away. Some were informed that they should learn another language and use it. Some were told that they should assume the mantle of a parent of a disabled child and milk the system for every penny. Make your life revolve around this special child.
Now, with hearing parents who want their child to be able to be hearing, who is the expert about that? Yes, hearing parents. My kids are fortunate enough to take advantage of the advanced technology available today. They hear with their cochlear implants. And so, we parents continue to be the experts because we realized that the best chance we had of communicating with our child in a meaningful way would be to implant them and take FULL advantage of that rather than waste time on other issues.
*topic changes somewhat*
We had a bomb dropped on our family recently when a relative was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive cancer. Thank GOD we are not dealing with IEPs, TODs, FMs, sign language classes, interpreters, frequent therapy sessions, and so on. Granted, some implanted kids have those; mine do not. Oliver hasn't even had an AV session since this all came about 3 weeks ago... but I'm not worried. He is probably age appropriate in both expressive and receptive language currently. As a result, our family can put deafness on the backburner and deal with more important issues at hand. One of our kids was struggling in school (not one of the implanted kids) and we also needed to help him get up to speed. He is equally important to us, and we want him to be fully aware of that.
For a few months, I was reading the blogs on deafread.com. How annoying. It's a bitter pill to know that there are still deaf adults so opposed to what we are doing and so vehemently willing to say awful things about us or even worse. I've seen personal attacks, and even threats. I've seen people act like deafness is some incredible gift that we are snatching away from our kids by implanting them. I'm tired of the lecturing on various websites with titles such as "To the hearing parents of deaf babies." There are only a couple of sites even worth visiting as a parent; apparently most deaf people who are not angry at us about cochlear implants and speech are too busy with the rest of their life to get mired in that kind of blogging. There is no way to convince them that CIs work; their minds are made up. Don't confuse them with science or examples of hundreds of successful kids.
In our family, we don't think a barrier to communication with loved ones is a wonderful thing. Nor have we embraced cancer as a fabulous way to learn about life. Sure, our loved one will learn things as she travels this road. But embrace it? A parent of young children will never embrace something which could remove them from their small children, permanently; we will never embrace anything that separates us from our kids communication-wise. We spent money up front so that our kids don't have to spend society's dollar down the road. We teach a respect for others in our family; we try not to use more than we give back to people or the environment.
In the next few months, our lives will be profoundly changed by what happens to our loved one as she fights cancer. I may not have a chance to update the news as much... but know this-- our lives proceed very much like any other family, and deafness is no obstacle to communication in our household. And no, duh, I'm not equating cancer with deafness, just in case you are a blogger about to jump up on your high horse about that!